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Simply because I'm feeling super immature and like a need to rant, I wrote this:
"I lay here lonely,
left to my thoughts as the house quiets down.
I'm too stunned to cry,
too alive to die;
too lost to be found,
but not enough to be missing.
A year's not very long,
it's there and then it's gone.
Age doesn't matter if it's legal,
and maturity isn't just for around other people.
I'm hurt!
but am I?
How dare he! How dare they!
but is it really? or am I all twisted again? telling lies and truths as if they were one.
I'm trying to stay calm;
Pretend nothing's going on.
but I can't. I'm not the actress.
I'm just upset, I guess.
but about what exactly?
The lack of trust?
The disbelief in my self-defense skills?
The attempt to go behind my back and make decisions for me?
The insult to my intelligence?
Or the complete and utter fail at maturity that has made me family lose faith in me?
no. oh,no,no,no,no,no, it couldn't possibly be any of those!
It's my fault. blame me. I'm the one who fought to not fall, yet lost that battle by saying 'yes' when you asked me to the movies. I'm the one who can't be responsible, even though I'm the one who babysits the toddler on the weekends.
I'm SO SORRY. It's all my fault.

P.S. I hope this doesn't break you."

Yeah, trying to keep people away from you should be a BIG red flag.

I dont have a lot of experience with dating, but it seems to me that all three of them have the possibility of being right. He could be jealous and in the process being highly overprotective of who you see because he's afraid to lose you. That puts him squarely in the immature square, as he doesn't have the maturity to bring the problem to you and allow you to make the decisions yourself. He's being slightly emotionally manipulative, by telling you to ask your brother, because if you lose your temper...it won't be directed at him immediately, which will allow him to deflect most of it before you see him again.

I just edited this to say, I'd think long and hard about this relationship before you allow it to continue. Unless you see him changing drastically in the future, the relationship will always have this tone. I know it's hard in matters of the heart to think clearly, but I am sure there is someone waiting who will treat you with maturity and trust, just remember to be patient.

So far the only unhealthy behaviors that I've noticed surfacing again are the blaming myself for everything even though I know it's not my fault, feeling like I need to defend/excuse his behavior even though I shouldn't, and completely ignoring all his texts because I don't know how to respond to him right now.
I'm basically handing control of this relationship over to my family so that I don't end up doing something stupid. I'm, in general, an indecisive person; I want to see where both choices will take me, but I can't see the future I can only guess.

Thanks to everyone who has responded to this.
I don't feel like I can do this, but I'm going to try to do as little damage as possible.

It’ll be hard, but ultimately staying will be so much harder. I was with a jealous type before. While we dated, he would get jealous if another guy so much as looked at me. Behaviours like this escalate over time and do so much harm.

I’m sorry you ended up with a guy like that. But you will be okay. Just give yourself some time. :)

so update: I broke up with him.
and when I got home and told my family that it was done we were over I got chastised and my brother texted him to see if he was okay.
Then my family spent a good 2 and a half hours getting me back to not just I think everybody else wants me to do.
and so then I called him and explained everything openly honestly if I could without breaking down crying.
I have to deal with the consequences for my harsh and rash actions, and and I have decided that we will work on continuing to be friends since we both still care about each other.