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Forestshadow · Jun 22, 2020 2:02 PM

I got a message from EJ (my mom's fiancee or whatever and her caretaker) that there was an emergency. I came over (she lived two houses down from me) and knew that she was dead after I had a look.

She passed peacefully in her sleep. Don't get me wrong, I'm mostly relieved that she's not suffering anymore, but at the same time... I'm not ok because I didn't get to say good bye to her before she passed away. I would have loved to give her one final hug and kiss and one final "I love you" before she was gone.

She was only 62 years old. She wanted really badly to see my little Sith all grown up. Little Sith's nickname is Ellie since her name is Eowyn and Ellie's that much easier to say.

She had a crapload of problems. We'll know tomorrow what was the cause of death.

WitchwaterAcres · Jun 22, 2020 2:05 PM

I'm so sorry. Sending good vibes your way. I hope you have a good support network, but I know that can only help so much.

annismyrph · Jun 22, 2020 2:07 PM

awwwwwwwwwwwwww hun ; at least she went peacefully and now is resting quietly with whoever passed before she did ( I am a firm believe in the rainbow bridge ) and she WILL watch your little one grow up just from the other side. we have a Sicilian saying in my family ; every time you see a red cardinal bird you are being visited by someone who has passed. keep a look out for them as your little one passes through milestones

Maribo · Jun 22, 2020 2:07 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss :x

Forestshadow · Jun 22, 2020 2:29 PM

Thanks. Ellie is 5 years old and is starting kindergarten this fall.

SandyCreekAcres · Jun 22, 2020 2:49 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's hard to lose a parent, I know, as I've lost both of mine and both my inlaws as well. I also hope that you have good support. Sending you a huge cyber hug.

LakeOndowaFarm · Jun 22, 2020 3:20 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.

ConfluenceStable · Jun 22, 2020 4:17 PM

Sorry for your loss. {{{Hugs}}}

Visions · Jun 22, 2020 5:25 PM

I am so very sorry for your loss. ((hugs))

Forestshadow · Jun 22, 2020 6:46 PM

Thanks a bunch.

Dawnsong · Jun 22, 2020 7:55 PM

My sisters and I lost our mom with the same suddenness a little over a month ago. All of our love and prayers and best wishes go out to you. You’ll slowly start to find moments of peace in all the pain where you can enjoy little bits of her memory without the sorrow. Hugs from me and my sisters.

Pagan · Jun 22, 2020 10:19 PM

Deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. Gentle hugs.

OopsDotCom · Jun 22, 2020 11:51 PM

It's been a couple of years, the cut heals but the scar stays to remind us. They teach us how to live, but they don't teach us how to live without them. Poems and fancy cards can only get you so far.

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can start healing. Remember the good times and cherish the memories.

Forestshadow · Jun 23, 2020 11:31 PM

Thanks guys. It's mostly on account of Ellie that I'm hurting. I'll have those memories of my mom, but she won't have much, if any.

annismyrph · Jun 24, 2020 2:30 AM

My Paternal Grandfather passed when my son was 3 or 4 ; he still remembers the " nice man with only 2 fingers" ( Gramps Ski lost the fingers of his right hand at the Ford Plant ) , keep pictures around of the 2 of them together and talk about the times they spent together, it will help both of you keep memories alive and also help you heal.

Forestshadow · Jun 24, 2020 8:53 AM

Lol. That's a funny story. Thanks for telling that. Yeah I do have pictures of them together from Mom's better days when she was more mobile and not housebound.

Just got to keep telling myself that it's better that she went now than later, and that it's about quality of life for her. She was barely able to do anything with Ellie nowadays.

She missed Thanksgiving and Christmas because she was in the hospital, and she wasn't able to come to any of Ellie's pre kindergarten events. The past two years had been really difficult for her with a lot of hospitalizations and such.

annismyrph · Jun 24, 2020 9:10 AM

in my opinion, its better Ellie has pleasant memories of her Gran then " why cant she" memory and for you as well ; its better to look back and laugh a little at something silly than cry because she couldn't do or be

Forestshadow · Jun 24, 2020 6:51 PM

Yeah, at least she went when she was still reasonably herself as well. Her mind was starting to slip as well.

Forestshadow · Jun 26, 2020 11:38 PM

Her oxygen equipment will be picked up Monday. After that it'll be safe to start clearing the house. It's going to take up to 10 weeks for the coroner to finish his investigation.

Ammit · Jun 27, 2020 2:32 AM

So sorry for your lost. Biggest of hugs coming your way.

Forestshadow · Jun 27, 2020 1:49 PM

Thanks Ammit, I really appreciated that.

Forestshadow · Jun 30, 2020 11:40 AM

Her oxygen stuff has been picked up. The tanks, the portable machine, the oxygenator and so forth are now gone. We're waiting on the rest of her medical supplies to be picked up.

amber · Jun 30, 2020 12:22 PM

My heart goes out to you, I have lost both my parents and my mother-in-law. It is a hard thing to get through. I talked to my Momma less than an hour before she passed away. We tell the kids and grandkids stories about their grandparents. We keep pictures of them where the kids can see them and our kids tell their kids stories about their great- grandparents. Momma used to say that memories were how we kept our loved ones in our lives. I pray that God comforts you and your family ((((Hugs))))

Forestshadow · Jul 2, 2020 9:03 AM

Thanks.

I've started one of the crafting projects I was planning to do for Mom, but they had arrived late due to the virus, so I never had the time to get one done before she passed away. I figure doing the crafting project will serve as therapy for me.

Every time I sit down at the table to work on that project, I get cold. So I'm sure she's hanging out there watching me work on it.

Today, I'm off to the funeral service place where I've chosen to have her direct cremation done at. I need to pay for her cremation so I can get the temporary death certificate so
her boyfriend and I can start closing things out on her accounts and such.

annismyrph · Jul 2, 2020 9:21 AM

ohh hun ; take some love and light from me today as you deal with this
manymany many hugs

Forestshadow · Jul 2, 2020 11:53 AM

She had two life insurance policies but I dunno how much they are. At the very least I'll be compensated for paying for her cremation. I had to sell my old car some years ago when I couldn't afford to have insurance on it since landlords can be cited and fined for having vehicles with expired tags and such on their properties here, and I still had some money from that car sale, and that was what I used to pay for her cremation. I'm just glad I had that money set aside for emergencies.

Forestshadow · Jul 3, 2020 12:03 PM

Ok, her cremation has been paid for. She's all set to get toasted. I've already ordered an urn for my growing collection (Mom still had my grandma and great grandma's urns) and I also ordered a scattering urn so I can scatter some of her ashes at her favorite place, as she asked.

I also ordered a keychain urn vial for her boyfriend of umm... 15 years-ish so when he moves, they'll still be together, so to speak.

He's gonna move back to Colorado where his family is so he can be near his grandchildren.

annismyrph · Jul 3, 2020 12:20 PM

Breathe just breathe ; keep good memories and its ok to break down if you need to ; just remember to breathe

Forestshadow · Jul 3, 2020 3:15 PM

Yeah, I've had several sobbing moments.

Forestshadow · Jul 9, 2020 9:01 PM

Update:

The urns have come in and just in time since I got the call today that Mom's ready to be picked up. So I'll do that tomorrow and I will be stopping at a few places on the way home so I can make a little memorial for her at home, was thinking of getting a cute little vase with glass stuff inside and her favorite purple fake flowers. Or something.

Pagan · Jul 9, 2020 9:51 PM

Hoping you are OK @Forestshadow.

Forestshadow · Jul 9, 2020 11:17 PM

I'm hanging in there. Good and bad days.

Forestshadow · Jul 10, 2020 11:14 AM

Ok Mom's home, and she's definitely made her presence known. The front door opened on its own then swung wide open.

My boyfriend has a major case of goosebumps going, and when I brought her ashes over to show her boyfriend, he got the goosebumps.

I took the keychain urn vial that I had ordered for her boyfriend, filled it, and gave it back to him, so now she'll always be with him in a sense.

Forestshadow · Nov 7, 2020 10:41 AM

Update:

I finally got her official death certificate in the mail today.

Her cause of death was acute bronchopneumonia complicating chronic obstructive pulmonary disease

A nurse friend explained it in more basic terms - her body was fighting the pneumonia so hard that her heart overworked.

annismyrph · Nov 7, 2020 11:35 AM

Are you OK?

Ammit · Nov 7, 2020 12:34 PM

2020 is a bitch of a year. Extending my heart to you and your boyfriend.

Forestshadow · Nov 7, 2020 1:13 PM

Well, yes and no.

I'm glad I finally know what she died of. She had so many problems that eventually something was gonna get her. At the time of her death she also had been dealing with a fractured leg and she had assorted other issues and she was also on a feeding tube because her guts weren't working right.
My nurse friend said it was just too much for her body at that time.

The pneumonia had been a recurring issue for her, she had been to the ER several times for that in the last year or two. It just refused to go away no matter what they tried.

I'm watching the Breeder's Cup as a way to distract myself.

Thanks Ammit.

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