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Forestshadow · May 27, 2022 6:01 AM

Long story short....

You know how people can change over time, right?
Well... at first everything was good with my boyfriend. Then he showed that he had a temper issue when little Sith got old enough.
Well, things came to a head Tues night when he got pissed off when he came home from work at 10 pm only to find us still awake. Little Sith is a night owl like me, and as such, we both have issues getting to bed on time.
Let's just say that he did a very bad thing and CPS had to be involved. We are physically safe, just not ok mentally and emotionally. I had to file restraining orders yesterday. Today I am home from work because he took the car when CPS removed him from the premises. Today is also her last day of school.

So in other words, I have no transportation and no one to watch her while I'm at work. He was working nights and weekends and I worked days Mon to Friday so we would have someone at home with her. Now it's just me.

I don't suppose there's anyone in Florida that would have room for me and little Sith? I live in the Tampa area. I don't expect to be able to stay in this house since it's a rental and the rent is more than what I can afford to cover by myself when other expenses are factored in. No point in finding a roommate either, I already talked to the landlord and he said he would raise the rent so that would render the point moot. He does not do yearly leases so he can get away with stuff like this. Of course there are other issues with finding a roommate since a child is also involved.

Any advice or help would be quite welcome.

annismyrph · May 27, 2022 6:13 AM

CPS should also be able to help you with low cost housing or a shelter for you and Little Sith to be safe, they also usually offer day care at a reduced rate and transportation help. Is the car in your name or both of your names? if so, you can get it back

Forestshadow · May 27, 2022 7:01 AM

The car is in both of our names. CPS was not helpful, they simply told me I could take care of myself and was on my own, and just gave me the info for a shelter to call. Unfortunately, that particular shelter is the best option I have since they offer a LOT of services and they are full and they do not have the space for me and little Sith. I do have someone assisting me, but since this is a holiday weekend, options may be nonexistent.

If I am forced to cover rent by myself for June just so we have somewhere to stay, I absolutely have NO room in my budget for daycare, even at a reduced rate. I've already done the math. It is times like this that I wished I lived in Europe. They are a lot more family friendly.

lecobb8888 · May 27, 2022 7:26 AM

So sorry to hear this situation. I have no actual advice, but I do agree on the Europe comment.

annismyrph · May 27, 2022 8:06 AM

If the car is in both of your names ; you can require through the courts he buy you out, also you should start seeking child support Today! I hate to be the witchy one ; but you need to take care of the baby ; and he needs to do his part as well.

Xzeina · May 27, 2022 1:10 PM

As I former foster child, my advice for this situation is try to do any of the following:
- ask neighbors or friends in the area, or who live up to an hour away
(It might be helpful to move in with another single parent, if that can be managed.)
- ask your boss if it would be okay to bring little sith to work with you, or to use your vacation days/get some time off to figure out housing
- look online for things like Red Cross and Salvation Army, they are well known for helping people out
- possibly ask teachers, and/or other staff from little sith's school if they have any contacts or resources that could help you out
- maybe start looking for a new job?

Please only consider placing little sith in foster care as a last solution could be talking to CPS and seeing if they would place little sith in a foster home nearby (and allow you to visit!) until you can get a placed secured and possibly some parenting classes(these are more helpful than people might think; I am in no way implying anything about your parenting) .
The main goal is always reunification.

Forestshadow · May 28, 2022 7:39 AM

Oh, I have a local friend who is willing to come and stay for a week or so and watch little Sith while I work. I have someone from a charity organization that works with disabled people assisting me, and the friend also will let me borrow her car for work until I have my own hopefully within two weeks' time.

I am not eligible for vacation days until June 16. That is my 1 year anniversary at work.
Looking for a new job is also on my agenda, but I have to wait until I have one year at the job before I am able to get assistance with changing jobs.

I agree, I could use some parenting classes. I believe that my style of parenting isn't working for little Sith, she needs a different approach than what I was raised with. Not all children are the same. However, she does need therapy and to learn sign language.

By the way, she is 7 years old. She's also my only child.

Forestshadow · Jun 3, 2022 2:40 PM

The court hearing has been scheduled for Monday June 6th at 930 am. Will update.

annismyrph · Jun 3, 2022 2:57 PM

you will be in my prayers @Forestshadow

OopsDotCom · Jun 4, 2022 11:34 PM

Please let us know how court turned out.

TimberRock · Jun 9, 2022 3:52 PM

Hugs. I hope you found a solution.

Sometimes there are other organizations associated with Catholic churches that can help.

I have seen stories where two single parents would find housing together and take turns watching kiddos while the other is working.

Different daycares also have programs in which employees receive free childcare. Not sure what the pay is though.

If your kiddo is doing sign language and needs therapy, are they considered disabled? Sometimes there are programs for that.

I wish you lots of luck in finding a solution that works for you.

Forestshadow · Jun 11, 2022 7:39 AM

No, she would not be considered disabled since there are no physical issues with her. I do have to arrange therapy for her, which I will this upcoming week.
That single parent strat would work if the other working parent works nights. I'm up at 4 am and at work before 6 am. However, I am a deep introvert and would not do well if I have to babysit other kids, lol.

Daycare workers are not paid enough. The average hourly wage for daycare is 13 per hour in FL. I earn 20 per hour and I can't afford to rent on my own. The average rent for a 1 bedroom apt where I live is now 1,000 or higher.

The judge dismissed the injunction after he agreed to take parenting class and anger management class. I'm treating him like a roommate for financial purposes, neither of us can afford to live on our own due to the spike in rent rates over the past year.

Before you ask, I have no family or friends that I can move in with. My family are all gone except for one uncle in Michigan. My friends can't afford rent and are living stacked up with other people, so they have no space for me and Ellie.

I suspect the high rent rates are why the shelters are full, I've asked around and they have no space.

TimberRock · Jun 15, 2022 6:22 AM

I knew a person that lived with their ex for a couple years. They each had their own room. They did set up an agreement for what each person was going to pay for different things. They also agreed no dates at the house. (They had a child together.)

Maybe you guys can see a family therapist together to help. Not only to deal with what happened, but also help you guys move forward. And maybe they know of other resources to help as well.

It is definitely hard living in an area without family and limited friends. We did that for a few years. The friends we made were mostly work friends and they lived 1+ hours from where we lived. And everyone we knew and their families worked due to high cost of living. We ended up moving to a place in which we could live off one income. That was super helpful. But I realize not everyone can do that.

I wish you and your family good thoughts to resolve everything in a manner in which helps everyone.

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