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Oh Brother. I have been thinking about the woulda shoudas in my life.
One does stand out for me, I was in my very early 20s and I had moved to Idaho from NJ. I was working at minimum wage, didnt have vacation, nor money, and my grandmother offered to pay for a ticket to fly me with her to Italy. I turned her down. I was so immersed in my own young life; my boyfriend, having gotten a horse, that I couldn't imagine leaving for Italy for a couple weeks.
I stayed here and my grandmother asked another of my cousins if she'd go, and a few months later, I was rewarded with photos of my cousin and my grandmother having a wonderful time on that trip.
As time passed, I decided to go there myself, I learned the language, made friends with cousins over there, and have made many trips. But if i'd gone with my grandmother, I would have met family members who were gone by the time I could afford myself. And my cousin? She formed a wonderful bond with my grandmother, they actually ended up living together when she was in her 20s.
Sorry, not very horsey.

Fortunately, I do not have many regrets in life. but this is the one I do have.

I would have picked a different college major. I’m still in school working on a BS in Mechanical Engineering, but looking back I wish I had chosen to go for a BS in Computer Science. As much as I like mechanical engineering, I think computer science would fit me better. I have experience with coding, mostly in Python, and I’m one of those weirdos that actually likes debugging code. It’s like a word search or treasure hunt to me lol. Alas, college in the US is stupid expensive (even at a state school) and I can’t afford to change my major and redo several semesters of credits.

My biggest regret has to do with my one of my best and oldest friends but I’ll spare y’all the feels on that one

Possible trigger warning!

If I could go back and change any one choice I made, it would be ten years ago when I decided to call my mom to complain about my brother. I was trying to get my school day finished, and he was bored and wouldn't quit messing with me and making a general pill of himself(he was 12, I was 15). I called Mom, who told him to knock it off and that she would be there in a couple hours to pick him up. He kept it up, so I called her again. She told him he would be doing my chores(doing the dishes) for the rest of the week. He got mad and stormed out of the house. I didn't think anything of it(we lived on 4.5 acres and played outside all the time), and took advantage of the peace and quiet to finish my schoolwork. When Mom came by to pick him up, he still hadn't come back in. She went looking for him, and the next thing I heard was her screaming. He had climbed a tree in his stick fort and slipped, and got caught in the rope he had strung up between two trees. He didn't survive. Our family hasn't been the same since.
I can't help thinking I could have prevented it and still have my brother here if I had just ignored/put up with his antics that day.

WOW these stories got me in the feels!

I wish I knew a way to go back and save someone else. I don't think it would be possible. I don't even know what I would have done to save me.

I am struggling with finding that one thing I would change like others have. There are a ton of little things that might have helped me along the way. Many redirected choices could have possibly prevented pain brought on by things I had no control over before future knowledge came along. Although there are many decisions my grown self could go back and make to save child me, I can't think of one thing I could change then that would not remove what I have now.

If I take a chance on losing the wisdom and life I have today, I'd rather keep my past intact as a scar covered and broken trophy. Keeping my past intact helps me save future me and most of all it helps me to carve a better and wiser path for my daughter who will never see the life that I did.

If I was forced to choose, If I was forced to go back in time at all, I would only whisper in my own ear that its all going to be ok. I would reassure little me that its all worth the torture. Id hold my own little hand as I walk directly into the fire but with a bit more force. I'd say my daughter's name and maybe her beautiful light would guide me toward my destiny as it has but I would know without a doubt this time round that there was a reason to keep going. I would run toward her even faster. I would not have to wait so long to know I have a purpose. I would not have to be lonely and afraid anymore. I would not have to suffer every day while thinking my tortured existence was for no reason.

If it always ends with her I would do it all again. Exactly how it was. Getting to her was worth every moment.

Thank you for all your entries. MackZ is the winner; you've been carrying a heavy load all these years. RedtailFoxFarm, I'm going to give you 1.1 million and a candy pony as a runner-up, because I can relate to your situation so much. I'm just finding my interest in computers rather than laboratories in recent months and could kick myself for studying chemistry.
Please post your payment ponies. And if I could borrow a chat to give RFF a candy pony, I'd appreciate it.

Thank you! I wasn't expecting to win. And thank you to everyone who read my story. I'm finding this year to be harder than usual. It doesn't usually hit me until January, but this month has been bringing up some rough stuff.

Muddy Coral