HGG Community Forums

Thank you for the job you do! I couldnt work with people even on the best of days. During this time must be so hard. I am so glad there are people out there trying to bring joy to those who need it the most :x

Agreed. At least they had _you_. Just hang in there as best as you can. Talk to your coworkers if needed. I'm sure they have similar feelings.

I'd find it so hard to work with elderly people and have to watch so many of them pass. Well done to you for being there, and caring. Hope you are ok

You say you don't talk about or share things, but you are sharing with us. If that is what is helping you to cope, even a little bit, then please keep doing it. We are here for you, and because we come from all over the world, there is bound to be someone responding to you no matter when you post on here. Keep going, one step at a time, this WILL end at some point, then you can break down and cry, scream and shout as much as you want.

If you know who is next, I would spend as much time as possible with them if you can do so safely. Just sit with them. Let them know you’re there. Let them know that you care. If they are aware, try to make them smile. You don’t have to talk about what you both know is coming. Your presence will be enough. And, most importantly, if it’s possible and appropriate, contact the family and let them know that you are there for their loved one even though they can’t be. Almost everyone is afraid of their loved ones dying alone or being alone for days before their death. Letting the family know that you didn’t let that happen will be a relief that can’t possibly be described.

A few years ago when I was 18, my neighbor that knew me since I was born was in hospice dying of Alzheimer’s. I had been helping his wife care for him (sitting with him while she went on errands so I could tell him where she was when he woke up and forgot where she was, getting him food and water, reminding him to wash his hands after using the bathroom, etc.) for years, and even though he couldn’t remember my name or even who I was, he knew that he loved me.

That last week me and my mom spent in the hospital was one of the hardest, but most important weeks of my life. While mom took care of his wife and made sure everyone had food (we have a huge crockpot, and we brought dinner for the rest of the hospice patients, their families, and the nurses), I sat with him. He was almost always asleep, but the last time he woke up, I was the first thing he saw. He couldn’t use words any more, but I knew he was asking about where his wife was. I told him that she would be back soon and I would stay with him until then. I smiled gently at him and he started to go back to sleep. Just knowing that someone was there with him and cared about him was all he needed. A few minutes later, his breathing changed. He died either that night or the night after, a few minutes after I fell asleep.

He was scared. He didn’t know what was going on. He knew he was dying but he didn’t know why. But just knowing that I was there and that I cared about him gave him a sense of peace, calm, and courage.

I can’t imagine how emotionally painful and exhausting it must be to do this over and over again, but I don’t think you will regret one second of it. There will be no words to describe how grateful your residents and their families will be for everything you have done for them.

You and your residents are in my prayers.

I’m sorry, and I’m praying for you. I’m not someone who should give advice on grief, I deal with it in my own way. But I would suggest going to a counselor or therapist, I think everybody needs someone to talk to one at some point in time or another. And while we are here for you, we can’t give you a hug or hand you a tissue. I know when I went through my own issue last year I didn’t feel better until I cried on a shoulder. I had to hold everything together too, and couldn’t talk or cry with my family because I’d have freaked my siblings out. But once I figured out who’s shoulder I needed it helped. And later when I spoke with the therapist after the accident, it helped, a lot more than I anticipated.