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High Five Acres · Feb 5, 2021 6:12 AM

I'm not usually a person who seeks out emotional help or support from others, but I'm having an incredibly difficult time with something I witnessed last night and I could definitely use a sounding board to help me unpack all of it from my mind.

I work third shift in a care facility where we are now dealing with the consequences of Covid and I haven't been in a great mental state of late with everything going on, some dental issues (stitches in my mouth - yuck) and a newly wrenched back. All of this is enough to put me one edge, but when I was driving in to work last night, a semi truck in front of me swerved around what I thought was a car bumper. As I got closer, I realized it was a woman laying in the road. I pulled up, blocking her from traffic and got out to try to assist. There was no one there, everyone just kept driving past. I felt a pulse for a few seconds, then nothing. She was already gone and so badly broken I couldn't do anything to help. Two of the three drivers that had hit her, stopped and were walking up, in total panic calling 911, and we all waited for the police/ambulance etc. They were there in under two minutes and took over, covering her with a sheet and getting statements. She was so young, probably in her twenties and there was nothing I could do to save her. I don't know how to process all of this and I just can't get the sight if it out of my head. I went to work afterward because there was no way I was going back home to stew over everything and make myself crazy. Now I have two days off and I'm not sure how well I'm going to handle all the down time.

I don't know if she did it on purpose or if she just wasn't paying attention. It was dark (10pm) and she was wearing a dark parka and black pants, so she was pretty much invisible until she stepped out into the roadway. I'm devastated for the two guys (separate vehicles) that hit her and how traumatized they are. I'm aching inside for her family and friends who will soon be contacted. I feel so useless that I couldn't do more for her.

SandyCreekAcres · Feb 5, 2021 6:39 AM

What a horrible thing to experience!

Try reminding yourself of the things you did right--you stopped, leaving your car to protect her from more harm; you checked for a pulse and assessed her condition; you waited for official help to come once you realized she was beyond help and told what little you knew.

I hope there is someone close to you who can help you process this traumatic experience. Since I've never personally experienced anything like this, there isn't much more I can think of to suggest, but I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

[-O<

WhiteValley · Feb 5, 2021 7:09 AM

I have been through this before. I started to type the story but it's upsetting me too much. A 9 year old boy had been hit by a car and I gave him CPR. Unfortunately his injuries were too great and he died a few days later. If you want to talk please PM me and I will give you what advice I can based on my experience.

High Five Acres · Feb 5, 2021 9:36 AM

Thanks guys.

Finally got an update and a name
https://www.dailyitem.com/news/update-police-confirm-woman-killed-in-snyder-county-pedestrian-accident/article_5decefa4-675e-11eb-b6c9-9fff188d8a39.html?fbclid=IwAR2EdMNSNCJUD2hfwFv7XbWTzL0qEGlek96q9c06FEsGf91eFcrMnZsQTWU#utm_campaign=blox&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social

RIP Kaylynn

Forestshadow · Feb 6, 2021 10:40 AM

That is why I wear a bright yellow reflective vest at night when I have to be out and walking, and they aren't expensive to buy at Walmart. I think I paid 20 or less for mine. I had a night class at college, but I had to take the bus to get home, so that vest was very good to have since I had to walk 1 mile home from the bus stop and the road I live on doesn't have sidewalks.

I feel bad for everyone involved. I don't necessarily view it as the drivers' fault because she wore dark clothing, it was dark, and they wouldn't have been able to see her in time to stop, especially if they were traveling at highway speed. Physics.

So sorry that you had go through all that. I hope you can get some therapy for that.

Visions · Feb 6, 2021 2:13 PM

(((hugs))) THANK YOU for stopping and trying to help. You did the right thing. I ho;ld everyone in our prayers as this is SO HARD to bear witness to.

High Five Acres · Feb 8, 2021 6:07 AM

My work offers a counseling service free of charge and with all the weirdness rolling around in my head, I think I'm going to be taking advantage of it soon. There are far too many emotions to process with all of this and the images of everything just randomly pop in my head all day long. I thought I was doing okay with it, but as I drove home this morning, I saw a shadow on the side of a very rural stretch of highway and I almost had a panic attack. It was just a pile of snow, but in the dark, everything looks menacing. This is definitely above and beyond my ability to cope with alone. For once in my life, I think I'm going to do the smart thing and talk it out with a professional.

WhiteValley · Feb 9, 2021 3:39 AM

I think you are right High Five Acres. From my experience with a similar incident, after a few days I had a day when I literally couldn't get the whole episode out of my head. For a long time afterwards I would also have flashbacks triggered by different things. Talking to someone is definitely helpful but it will be some time before you start to move on from the trauma. You have my best wishes moving forward.

SheWolfMustang27 · Mar 11, 2021 8:25 AM

Hey High Five, just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.

annismyrph · Mar 11, 2021 11:26 AM

@HighFiveAcres ; I had a similar experiance about 10 years ago , driving home from work one night there is a stretch of highway with 2 scenic lookouts pretty close together but with no walk way in between ; the road speed limit is 55mph ; which means in rush hour every one pretty much goes 60+ in the fast lane. I drove like a grandma ( and still do when i can ) so I stayed in the slow lane and was doing about 57. There was a young blond girl, mid twenties, from what i could see attractive walking between the lookouts. i saw her toss her head and then i saw her bounce off my windshield. I pulled into the scenic over look and a half dozen or so cars pulled in behind me ; the driver who was directly behind me told me there was nothing i could do and there was no way i could have avoided her . I do remember slamming on my brakes trying to stop. the medivac ambulance was called for her, they took me in a ground ambulance. They found a note in her pocket ; she had recently broken up with her boyfreind. To this day i cannot drive on that highway and everytime i pass someone walking on a sidewalk i slow down and try to go into the other lane. It will stay with you for a very long time, but you will learn to block it and avoid the triggers. Please take advantage of counseling ; and if you need to find alternates routes ; even if they take you longer to get where you are going. if you need to talk please feel free to reach out

High Five Acres · Mar 12, 2021 7:39 AM

Thanks for your support, guys. This has certainly become a process to work through. I've been referred to a therapist locally, but getting in is taking quite a bit of time. I've been doing well for the most part, then it hits me and all these feelings hit me. I still feel guilty for not being able to do anything for her. My brain says, calm down, nothing I could have done would have made a difference, but that small part of me that likes to be the doubting Thomas insists I failed in some way. Like lots of others, I tend to be be pretty hard on myself even when things are completely out of my control, so that is something I need to work on. I did visit my family doctor who was set on writing down ptsd on my paperwork, though I think that is a little extreme for the situation. There are several nurses at work who have sat down with me in the mean time and been better friends then I could have ever expected.

I find myself panicking when I see people walking near the road or sometimes seeing movement in my peripheral vision that has me slamming on the brakes, but better safe than sorry, I suppose. The young man that stopped after I did and waited with me for help happens to be in a relationship with a coworker and she said he has been a mess ever since. He is a veteran that suffers from ptsd and it triggered some awful memories for him. :(

@annismyrph that sounds terribly tragic! It is such a shame when someone feels there is nothing more to keep them tethered to this life when the world is such a wonder, beautiful, incredible place. Watching a young person throw their life away because of a bad relationship is heartbreaking. I do get a bit of anxiety when passing the spot, however there is no alternative route.

I'm getting more contemplative about it and panicking less and less, so on the road to recovery. Thanks for being there for me, everyone!

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