HGG Community Forums

SabreBaby · Nov 17, 2022 8:34 AM

My dad passed away suddenly and unexpectedly in the early hours of Tuesday morning. He and I had a wonderful day together on Sunday, and I'm clinging to that experience dearly. I'm 28 and I just feel wayyy too young to be going through this, but I have a brother and sister in Ohio, and they're only 17 and 19 respectively. I wish we could all be together. I want to be with them right now so badly, but it's just not possible.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the holidays without my dad. Or get through anything for that matter really. Ughhh. I just don't know how to cope. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and scared. He was my grandparent's only child, and they're in their 80's, so now all of their care and whatnot falls on me, and I'm just not ready for that.

Any advice on how to carry on or what to do to feel better and help my family would be greatly appreciated.

Fiddler · Nov 17, 2022 8:53 AM

make plans for every single day. Keep busy. Cherish your father. When I lost my first husband, my world turned upside down. What kept me sane was: today i''m going to the supermarket, tomorrow i'm going to see Margy, Saturday I'm going to the farmer's market.
hugs.
It's been 10 years I still miss him, but I'm not destroyed any more.

SabreBaby · Nov 17, 2022 9:26 AM

Thank you @Fiddler. That's what I've been trying to do so far. I've been making small plans for each day. Little things I can do. I don't want to fail at tasks and become depressed, but I know I need to have small daily goals that I can easily reach, so I don't feel so mehhhh.

I think I'll go back to work Monday. Originally I thought maybe Friday, but I think that's still too soon at this point.

Fiddler · Nov 17, 2022 9:27 AM

I went to work the day after my father died. Everyone was incredulous. I lasted less than an hour B-) silly me!

Ammit · Nov 17, 2022 9:28 AM

I am so sorry for your loss.

SabreBaby · Nov 17, 2022 9:32 AM

Thank you @Ammit. I'm looking forward to the GE more than ever this go around. The only thing that has brought me any peace so far has been helping others and being available for my family.

GoldenHeartAcres · Nov 17, 2022 10:42 AM

@SabreBaby, my heart hurts with yours. I lost my dad when I was 29 and, although it was expected, it was not expected as quickly as it happened.

Grief is a strange thing. Be very kind to yourself right now. Take things one step at a time, even 1 hour at a time if needed. The holidays will be hard and that’s okay. Feel what you need to feel, whether that’s sadness, rage, shock…whatever. It’s all okay. Find some ways to connect with him, like a tradition or creating a ritual for you to remember him. Write him a letter if it feels good. Talk to him. Connect with family as much as feels good. It’s also okay to want some time by yourself too. There is no timeline for grief, and it’s okay if it looks different for you than it does for a relative.

You’re welcome to message me if you’d like a listening ear. This is a hard loss, to say the least.

annismyrph · Nov 17, 2022 2:15 PM

I lost my grandfather a few years back just before Christmas. He wa s96 and my absolute hero. He stod in for my dad on numerous occasions when my father wouldn't make himself available becuase he was busy with his new wife. There are still times I am reminded of him and cry and thats OK. there is no straight line to grief or recovery from it. I wrote him Christmas cards and didnt mail them for years, just to deal with his loss in my life. The biggest thing to remember is to let your self breathe and grieve how ever you need to. This is when "doing the small stuff " pays off in the end. Even if all you do is wash 1 dish its something.

LEAcres · Nov 17, 2022 2:33 PM

I am so sorry for your loss!
In the last 14 months I've lost 2 grandmothers, an uncle I was extremely attached to, my aunt/godmother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and my grandfather has had a stroke...
I have found that talking to someone has been very therapeutic. I haven't seen my Psychiatrist since covid hit but we have a friend who has been through some pretty serious struggles himself and has become very knowledgeable on ways to deal with grief. He directed me to a grief counselor and it has made a world of difference.

Fiddler · Nov 17, 2022 6:30 PM

oh yeah! grief counselors! they're great! I don't know how I forgot!

LakeOndowaFarm · Nov 18, 2022 8:51 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss.

SandyCreekAcres · Nov 18, 2022 12:32 PM

I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost both of my parents quite a few years ago (I'm currently 76), and neither of those deaths was unexpected, but I still miss having both of them in my life. Memories of them are still precious treasures, that return to me from time to time. It might help to keep a journal, writing down something you remember about your dad each day, things you'd like to share with your distant siblings whenever you get a chance, things you don't want to forget. Here are some cyber hugs, to let you know that you're not alone in this difficult time.

>:D< >:D< >:D<

SabreBaby · Nov 21, 2022 5:34 PM

Thank you all for the kind words and for helping me feel like I'm not quite alone. I went back to work today, and I've been looking into finding a therapist. Work was hard, but luckily I can cry while I work, and nobody will notice. I've spent a lot of time with my grandparents and my brother and sister will be here from Ohio on Thursday.

Fiddler · Nov 21, 2022 7:07 PM

@sabrebaby you sound like you are doing all the right stuff. thanks for letting us know

Kristin · Nov 24, 2022 9:36 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Brandybrookes · Nov 25, 2022 6:09 PM

Awee sabrebaby im so sorry for your loss! My best friend lost her dad to MS when we were only 18. Her mom was soo depressed to a point my friend had to take care of her and there animals for a very long time. Durring this time she kept busy, surrounded herself with other people who love and support her , getting out of the house and of course spending time in the barn and with her horses :x . Again sabrebaby i am so sorry.

Ambervalleyarabians · Nov 26, 2022 1:35 AM

I am so sorry for your loss! I know its not the same, but I lost my wife and soulmate 6 years ago. It still hurts but each day it does get better. How I coped is that I would celebrate each day with something. A favorite meal shared with friends, go on an outing of something your dad would like to do, etc. It really helped me. Bury your face into your horses mane, they are great support.

Soliloquy · Nov 27, 2022 5:30 AM

Hi there. I am so sorry you are going through this. I lost my dad unexpectedly when I was 21 and know the pain. Fourteen years later, and I still cry about it sometimes. We were very close. My advice would be to keep your loved ones close, but also to find somebody outside of your bubble to vent to when you need to talk. Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to spoil yourself a little. Let yourself cry. And even though, everyone grieves differently, I would encourage you to not hold it all in. Talk about it. I know I am a stranger, but feel free to message me if you need to vent.

Members log in here:
Username:
Password:
By hitting the above you signify that you agree with our rules and conditions.
Forgot your password?

HGG Community Forums

Join our discord server!

Howdy, Stranger!

Categories

In this Discussion

Who's Online (4)

Join our discord server!

Enlarge Your Pastures

Reminders!