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kgstable · Aug 1, 2024 1:51 PM

Warning: After typing this I realize it's long. I'm emotional. Please be warned :))

I've been feeling extremely melancholy lately and I think I figured out why. I'm not sure what to do, and most people in my life don't understand horses.

I rode horses from 2007-2021. That's a long time. I love it. It's my passion, I want to own, teach lessons, have a boarding barn, become knowledgeable. but in 2021 I got married and lessons and owning were out of the question. It's just expensive and I KNEW I had to put what I loved on pause.
I did good, for a while. I was able to say to myself, yeah, I'll get back into it soon! Or I thought of reasons why I didn't need to do it anymore, so I didn't feel so bad. It's dangerous. It's expensive. it takes too much time away from other thing, etc.

Right now, I'm going through something and I'm not sure why the feeling is coming NOW. I watch a lot of owners on social media, or professionals ride (especially now with the Olympics) and I find myself deeply jealous, but it's because I'm jealous that they can do it and I can't. They can ride, they can love and own a horse, and I don't have that ability right now. And honestly, I'm not sure how to deal with it. My husband is always telling me that we're working towards our goal of owning a farm and I see him putting in so much work, I feel so bad bringing up that I feel sad. He says soon I can start lessons again, but it seems like every time it's almost 'time' something bigger happens and it's just not feasible to get back into riding. It's been pushed back twice now. There was never a strict 'this is when you can go back' but it's just the feeling of knowing, yeah, we're not a in a place where we can afford riding right now...or even soon.

I have no idea how to deal with this feeling. I suppressed it since 2021. Like really shoved it deep down in there but now I feel like it's making me very depressed.
I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has felt like this? How do I deal with it?
I'm just being very open about this, not many people around me know how deeply rooted my passion is for riding and horses in general. I'm trying SO SO hard to be patient, I'm trying to make sure everyone around me knows how much I appreciate what they've done in my life but it's so hard to emphasize just how much it hurts not being able to do what I love.

Well...thanks for reading if you made it this far. I appreciate this community so much; I believe this game is one reason I'm able to stay sane. I've learned a lot and enjoyed playing. :x

Fiddler · Aug 1, 2024 2:51 PM

i'm going to tell you my story; it might help, it might not. but here goes.
I grew up in the city (10 miles from Manhattan to be exact) and i loved horses from the time I could talk. I drew horses starting at age 3 and wanted a pony every year for Christmas.
When I was 18 i moved to Idaho to "go to college" after a few years I dropped out and a horse was one of the first things i bought. That horse trained me. She was a canny old ex barrel racer.

I had horses for almost 10 years. I got married, had kids (oops, how did that happen?) and we had to move to the city because there was no work above minimum wage where we lived unless you had some professional training.
So, i sold my horse. It broke my heart to do this, and planned to get back to horses and in fact, our plan was to move back to Idaho, but that never happened. Life got in the way.
Now, many years later, i remember with joy and pleasure that i had a horse, that i rubbed horse sweat on my hands, picked up horse manure and rode on quiet roads and through dry river beds. I did all those things.
IT took a long time to get here.

But youknow, some people never get to have a horse, to run with the wind on the back of a happy horse (or a spoiled horse running back home while you were stupidly bareback and you're just holding on for dear life)

Life isn't forever, and we can't do everything all our life. That's a part of maturity, understanding that.

My best to you. I hope you have the opportunity to get back on a horse soon.

LakeOndowaFarm · Aug 1, 2024 2:53 PM

Are there any therapeutic riding or horse rescue organizations in your area that might be looking for volunteers? It might not be as good as getting to own or ride a horse of your own, but it would be an opportunity to be around horses for free and help out a good cause as well. I personally have gotten all of my horse experience by volunteering with a local therapeutic riding organization for many years.

annismyrph · Aug 1, 2024 3:27 PM

I agree with LOF.. try to volunteer at a Therapeutic Riding School , or Sanctuary, its not Ideal but at least you ll be able to touch and care for them.. I had horse and ponies from age 5 I guess; right up through college and into my first marriage.. it was almost 30 years with Horses by the time I had to sell my OTTB GoldDust Mare.. after that i had freinds who still had horses and I would excersize them for them or take care of them when they went on Vaca..it helped sooth the ache of not having one of my own. Now my back is so bad I can't ride any more, though Hubby and I have talked about getting a couple of Morgan rescues when he retires so I can possibly drive them to get back with them. But that will take moving and UGH, I dont really wanna do that either lol. Hang in there.. try to find some semi local rescues or riding schools... you never know you mightbeable to "work off" the purchase price and some of the board also. Good Luck to you, and please do keep communication open with us. We do care about you and Mental Health is super important!

kgstable · Aug 1, 2024 7:13 PM

You all are the best *hugs* thank you for kind words

PaintedPonies · Nov 30, 2024 1:14 AM

Having a boarding facility isn't as wonderful as you would expect. I had one for many years, and it took the enjoyment of owning horses away. I no longer own one and struggle often with trying to go back to enjoying my horses. I definitely would recommend volunteering at a barn it's a lot less stressful, and at the end of the day, you can walk away from it. Plus, there is no financial responsibility!

Foxhntr26 · Nov 30, 2024 10:09 AM

I agree with the suggestion of finding a place to volunteer. If you feel competent enough to farm sit, that is another much needed service that pays you to love on horses. I know in my area a good farm sitter is something that everyone is always looking for. A lot of horse show organizations are also looking for volunteers. There are several ways to get your feet back in the water while you wait to be an owner again. Life happens, but in my experience the pain of missing horses doesn't go away unless you find something to fill the hole. And PaintedPonies is right, owning or running a boarding facility is a good way to burn out quick. The feelings of jealousy are normal. Even those of us who own get those feelings when finances, horse injury, or personal health derail our competition goals or even our ability to simply ride. A logical, straight forward approach to fixing every part of the problem that is within your control and letting the rest go is the only way I've found to let go of the feelings of jealousy. Best of luck.

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